XIII -- voice -- filtered from Drusilla;

[breakmychest]

[Guess who just reached School Hard in his Buffy rewatch? It was a weird experience. On the bright side, Spike comes off as very cool, and the part where he incinerated the Anointed One, well, he's just bloody badass. There's a small part of him that's flattered at the part where Angel talks about how terrifying an enemy he is. And of course, he and Buffy fight brilliantly together. Even if it's just actors, and it's... bloody weird. He's already decided that watching the commentary and such is more than he can take.

He also isn't crazy about seeing himself kill again. And watching Buffy with Angel, knowing how that'll turn out, seeing things he was clearly never meant to witness. Then there's Drusilla. The former love of his life, back when things were good between the two of them. Her being here is confusing and difficult and he wishes he weren't this affected. But he's always love's bitch, even if he's no longer in love with the woman in question.

God, he misses Buffy.]

So, who's found out they're fictional somewhere? And if you have, did you manage to find it? Did you bother looking? Was it... like your life?

[A pause.]

One of the new inmates, Drusilla, she's from my world. She's bloody insane and incredibly deadly. [It's one of those things he used to love about her.] I think she doesn't have a warden yet, so I guess you can talk to me if she gives you trouble. If anyone can help, it's me. Probably.

Comments

private

[bigbad]

It was the first truly selfless act I'd ever done. The reason I'm a Champion, not just some pissant vampire trying to go against his nature.

That's... lucky, I think.

Re: private

[kingfor-aday.livejournal.com]

Ah. I can understand that. Even so, I wouldn't want to relive that.

I don't know. The only part of my life that got on film was the final... four days or so. I don't exactly know, I didn't watch it.

private

[bigbad]

Probably also helps that it didn't end up being permanent. Anyway, I know what my life up until then was like, and I'm guessing I'll have to watch myself do things a lot worse than dying.

Re: private

[kingfor-aday.livejournal.com]

...then I'm not sure I envy you one bit, to be honest.

private

[bigbad]

There's not much enviable about my life.

Though being incredibly good looking, immortal, and a brilliant fighter makes up for some of it. [Not really. Spike just tries not to be as much of a downer as some souled vampires.]

Re: private

[kingfor-aday.livejournal.com]

I'm sure they came at a great price, though. [Howie does not approve of you vampire types.]

private

[bigbad]

[You're not helping him manfully repress, Howie.] Everything's got a price.

Re: private

[kingfor-aday.livejournal.com]

True enough. [sorry, he's not good at that, Spike.] Depends on what's worth the price, in the end.

private

[bigbad]

Becoming a vampire... it's not a choice you get to make. And the price is something you don't even realize you miss. I'm not talking about sunlight or touching crosses or that sort of thing, I'm talking about your soul. And you don't miss it, cause you get so caught up in being evil and not feeling even a scrap of guilt and it's fun. More fun than you can ever have with a conscience. So I don't know if I can even call that a price.

But what did have a price was getting that soul back. And that was worth every agonizing cent, and believe me, I'm still paying.

Re: private

[kingfor-aday.livejournal.com]

I... I think that price is always worth it, to be honest, and I'm glad you think it was worth it.

I also don't quite know how you did it, but it seems impressive.

private

[bigbad]

Not everyone could have, and even fewer would have, I'll tell you that. But right motive, a man can do anything.

[For Spike, that motive has always been love.]

Re: private

[kingfor-aday.livejournal.com]

I think that's more true than anything, you know.

private

[bigbad]

Yeah.

I think I need a drink.

Re: private

[kingfor-aday.livejournal.com]

I don't blame you. I need one just thinking about it.

private

[bigbad]

Well, there is a bar.