breakmychest | VI - video; The vampire your vampire could smell like.

Entry tags:

!tlv,
#video,
*claire bennet,
*edward nygma,
*edward sexby,
*franklin mott,
*martha jones,
*molly carpenter,
*narvin,
*neil howie,
*severen van sickle,
not ashamed to admit it,
real creatures of the night don't dress,
the big bad,
vampire smelling is creepy,
weird stuff happens

VI - video; The vampire your vampire could smell like.

[Spike had not intended to dress up for Halloween. He snidely told anyone who asked that he'd be a vampire and that he didn't care at all about the holiday.

So much for that plan.

Spike stands in the bathroom clad in only a towel, smiling seductively.]

Hello, ladies.

Look at your man, now back to me. Now back at your man. Now back to me.

Sadly, he is not me, but if he stopped using lady scented body washes and switched to Old Spice...

[He lifts the bottle of Old Spice body wash and smiles.]

He could smell like me.

[He smiles, holding a monocle up to one eye.]

Monocle smile.

[ooc: Spike's been turned into the Old Spice Man. This is clearly not an excuse to use all the shirtless icons I have, that would be ridiculous.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...Your broadcast is very much repelling.

Rappelling down mountains is one of the ways I keep these rippling abs so well-formed.

Let's, uh. Let's not delve into your exercise schedule.

Are you sure? It's quite impressive. You don't get to be as manly and well-built as I do without lots of exercise. And, of course, Old Spice. For that manly scent ladies can't resist.

... [Smelling like dead people is SEXY :| ] People are replacing their faces these days. Why not a smell?

A manly man smell like Old Spice can make all the difference in your life.

Believe me. My clients would not care.

Do your clients like lady-scented men?

I smell like the grave. I hear no complaints.

You may hear no complaints, but I hear compliments.

...did you forget to get dressed? I can only find grown up clothes here, so I need to wear my jim-jams!

[And seven-year-old Martha held up one pj footed foot!]

I am so manly that every shirt I put on automatically rips.

[beat.]

When you're older, you'll understand.

You know, grown ups always say that when they don't wanna explain. It's not fair.

O.O

[considers switching to Old Spice]

[Flexes. Sexily.]

"Old spice" doesn't exactly sound like it would be an appreciated aroma.

Look down. Look up. What's in my hand?

[Holds up a clam.]

It's two tickets to that thing you love.

[Glinda finds herself doing what he asked.]

Wizomania?

[He smiles and nods.] Look down. Look up. The tickets are now diamonds.

[...except they're fake diamonds.]

Anything is possible when you use Old Spice.

[Stomps foot] Stop doing that, I keep doing what you say!

Such is the power of Old Spice. Tell your man to buy it.

Aren't you a little pale to have your shirt off in public?

[Spike looks puzzled for a moment, then smiles.]

Paleness is nothing in comparison to the smell of manliness and success.

It's also a sign of staying inside all day, in the bathroom and talking about manliness instead of actually being a man.

[LIKE HIM. A REAL MAN. A MARINE]

I go out during the day frequently to climb mountains and swan dive off waterfalls and ride horses backwards.

[Obviously.]

[Boner]

Really?!

I didn't get this fantastically muscular body by staying inside all day, in the bathroom and talking about manliness instead of actually being a man. I got it from a strict diet of salad and large steaks, plus a strict exercise regime of lifting weights and rescuing babies from oncoming traffic.

I think Jim used Old Spice once before he took off for Hawaii. Can't say I can vouch for your advertising thing there, but it was certainly a good try and convincing.

Old Spice: It helps manly men win arguments.

[Brows raised, amused.]

Do you always interact with strangers in such an exposing manner?

Yes, I do.

Oh, well then... [blinks.] As you were.

Sir! Do clothe yourself, that is most improper!

Unfortunately, I have a condition that doesn't allow me to wear a shirt. It's called extreme manliness.

I do not find this proper of a gentleman, sir!

[He gives a seductive smile.]

You really want to cover up... [He gestures at his chest.] ...this? Think carefully.

[Long, long pause.]

I think it not proper to display to all and sundry, that is all, sir. [It is... quite nice.]

Body wash?

A true man need not smell of any spice! Only of the sweat of his own endeavour and the blood of those he has slain in defence of his king and his family.

[Macduff. Is very. Manly. And wears a skirt. Real men wear kilts.]

[Spike shakes his head.] A real man builds his woman a house with his own two hands, then takes her for a picnic. On a boat. While smelling like an Old Spice Man.

[Video is switched on, and there's a massive man, weilding a sword as big as him, in a kilt, raising an eyebrow at you.]

I'm fairly sure scent isn't the measure of a man.

No, but it is 84% of what a lady notices when she's measuring a man.

Notices and probably dismisses him as a boy, forced to display his supposed masculinity through some form of soap.

My masculinity does not come from soap, but it can allow men that don't regularly dive into the ocean out of an airplane to feel more manly. I understand that it's simply impossible for most men to reach that level. But at least they can smell like they can.

I do not smell like... whatever you describe, but my masculinity is never a matter of question.

[He is... a man in a skirt, though.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

VI - video; The vampire your vampire could smell like.

MY LUNGS. HURT. FROM LAUGHING.

I COULDN'T RESIST.

THAT IS NOT A BAD THING.

I'M JUST TOO AMUSED.

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[Video.] - ohmyjesus, how I love you right now, lmao

[Video.] - Ahahaha /bows

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couldn't resist this, either.

Bwahahaha

video - macduff has found the function.

video until otherwise specified.

video still. :D

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